Six Weeks

I can stare at this boy for hours.  And he stares back. I'm startled by how wonderful he is. And that he's mine.

Our beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.
Harvey has baby pattern baldness. He has thicker fuzzy blond hair on the sides and in the back but the top of his head is now shiny bald. I'm waiting for his little duck feathers to grow in. His cheeks are chubbier and wider and he grew a new chin layer. He's starting to stretch out his body. I love it when he goes from scrunched up to arching his back with his little hand near his face.
His eyes get a little lighter each day. The pediatrician shined a light into his eyes (and let me try it) and it looked lit up like red-eye in a photo. He said that means he'll likely have light colored eyes. While they will likely have my coloring (blue) I see a lot of his dad in his eyes--they are deeper set and have an intensity about them.

Expressions
Harvey coos and smiles (especially in the morning) and we get so caught up in it it is hard to think of anything but him (hard to get a picture). His opened mouth grin and the look of delight in his eyes stops us in our tracks. His coos are so sweet too. This child has an expressive face ... I also can't hide what I feel and his dad has a rubbery (handsome) face full of character.  Harvey's other specialty is the grumpy old man face, or a look of deep concern. As his parents we find them all irresistible. This tiny boy seems larger than life. His thoughts and opinions and interests are forming already and it is a joy to watch.

Opening gifts from generous friends and family. This was at 3.5 weeks.

Motherhood
I really really love being a mom. More than I thought I would. It's an amazing responsibility and I often think of how I have a little man. He will be grown person some day. We feel like he is such a big boy, every day he feels a bit heavier in my arms, but people comment on how small he is.  Are you on your way home from the hospital? When I see him in photos I realize he really is still pretty small.

Doctor Visit
Today he weighed 9 lbs 14 oz and was 22.75 inches.  He got his first immunizations.  I was nervous. He cried out on the second and third shot and his face was beet red and angry but it only lasted a moment. I scooped him up and nursed him and he forgot all about it.  He's been extra sleepy and has a slight fever. It's a little rough. I'm proud of him for being so brave.

This Mama likes blue stripes. I also love his little feet and hands and lack of neck.

Food
He has a healthy appetite and was marathon feeding; at four weeks he was eating 10 hours a day. I use the Baby Connect app on my phone to track his feedings. I didn't mind because it's my job to feed him and grow him but boy was I tired. It's slowed a little 6 or 7 hours a day. I get about 2 hours from the start of one feeding to the next. I didn't realize what an amazing commitment baby feeding is. And I am happy to announce it no longer hurts.

Sounds
Babies make a lot of noise! I mentioned his endearing gurgley coos. He also farts. Very loudly. A and I often credit one another when Harvey is the culprit--They sure sound adult sized. His belches can be equally impressive. I'm learning his language. If he starts a whiney, discontent cry while nursing it means he has a burp. The bubbles in his tummy come out pretty quickly when he is upright and he's happy to eat again.

Baby Love
I've always loved babies but I find that I'm extra interested in babies. And this sounds a little crazy considering how young my baby is (and I'm in no huge rush) but I look forward to having another baby. I can look at pictures of babies all day. Andrew asks, "What are you doing?" when I'm looking at my phone---and I'm probably looking at babies on instagram, on blogs, on facebook. We joined a mommy group and I love oohing and ahhing at the other amazing newborns.

Music
I love to sing to him and I make up many ridiculous songs. I copy the tune of other songs and invent my own lyrics. My family has always loved to sing and make up songs... Plus I'm a k teacher. My life is a musical. It will be fun when he joins in.

Friends
Our dear friends have a daughter, Avery, who is one and awesome. She has developed an interest in babies and dolls since meeting Harvey. He's still not aware of her.  I talk to friends and family on speaker phone since I don't usually have a free hand. Harvey listens and looks around attentively so I like to think your voices will be familiar to him. Also, he/we love google hanging out. So let's make a date, okay?

Smooches
I hope he doesn't mind that we kiss him constantly.

2012: A Recap

It took me almost a month to write this in small sessions. It's so hard to get to the computer these days! 

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Made a baby! Attended prenatal yoga classes.
Hung out pregnant in Hawaii. All things baby related.

Also, I went to San Diego for a weekend (the zoo) and Yosemite for my cousin's wedding.  Yosemite truly is an amazing place! Go!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I just found them saved on Notes in my iphone:
 They include:
Make a photo calendar.
Make more juice with our juicer.
Go to the beach every week.
Invite people to do things more often*.
Other than going to beach a lot, I don't think I did any of things. Honestly, I forgot about them after I wrote them.

*I almost always say yes to invites and love hanging out with people, but I'm not a great planner. I over plan and stress myself out or I feel sad if people can't join in. Also, I like to do things at the last minute with little notice. I think this habit relates to growing up with a lot of siblings my age and friends and neighbors around--I never had to call or invite someone to do something. Friends were just there.

Goals for 2012:
Be good to myself and forgiving of my flaws. Which will help me be the best mom/wife/friend I can be.
Keep in touch with the people who matter most to me. Maybe call a dear friend once a week.
Get back into yoga! It really does fix everything.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes I did! I'm so thankful it happened in 2012 (and not 2013 like some predicted).

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you didn’t have in 2012?
I have most things I want. 

7. What dates from 2012 will be etched upon your memory, and why?
April 20th: The shocking moment I found out I was pregnant! Andrew bought the test and looked at it before I did.
Early June: My first 3-D ultrasound appointment at 12 weeks. I saw a little perfect body waving his arms around at me. I laughed as it hit me there was a REAL BABY in me.
August 3rd: Finding out we were having a boy. Well, hearing it confirmed...we both strongly suspected.
Dec. 22, 2012  Giving birth to my son Harvey. Seeing him and holding him for the first time really was the most unforgettable moment of my life!

20 weeks. The day before we found out baby's gender.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?
Giving birth! See above. Staying really healthy through my pregnancy: walking and eating well. Also working until I was 38 weeks pregnant; being the best teacher I can be for my students always feels like an achievement. 

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmm. Maybe not blogging or writing more. Not printing photo books or doing more with my photos.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No. Other than the aches and pains of pregnancy. 

11. What was the best thing you bought? Plane tickets to Hawaii. Baby stuff-so glad this house is properly nested--I wouldn't have a minute to think about what I need and where to put it.


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My devoted husband. Our labor and delivery nurse who amazed me with her support, compassion, and encouragement.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Gun people but I try not to think about it. 

14. Where did most of your money go?
Good food is our biggest expense (beyond rent). Unusual expenses for us were things like a crib and a carseat.

15. What did you get really excited about?
My sister going to Africa for the Peace Corps.
Seeing my Grandma in Yosemite
Spending most of the summer in Hawaii absorbing good island energy.
Finding out other friends were pregnant! 
My little baby boy.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Someone Like You by Adele. (or was that the year before?). My students would sing it under their breathe last spring....so hilarious.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? 
 Happier, (fatter-but for a good cause!), and maybe about the same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Prenatal yoga.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Late nights at work.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
In a bleary eyed state in my bedroom trying to figure out how to feed my 3 day old baby. We finally made it downstairs open presents at 11:30pm.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Yes, with Harvey.


22. What was your favorite TV program?
 Downton Abbey, Mad Men, Parks and Recs, Parenthood. We just started "Sons of Anarchy" and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."  Any recommendations?

23. What was the best book you read?
The Game of Thrones series (also discovered listening to the audio version!)

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth which I read the first trimester and again the week before I gave birth. It normalizes the act of unmedicated childbirth and helps you think it sounds doable. Turns out it was for me.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Podcasts (not music but it's what occupied my listening time). Also, the Fleet Foxes. I went to their concert and loved it.

25. What did you want and get?
 My baby! An unmedicated, positive labor experience.


26. What did you want and not get?
 I got it.

27. What was your favorite film of 2012?
 The Descendents.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31 in October. We went out to dinner at a fancy French restaurant.

My 31st birthday. And a new necklace from A. 

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
 Meditating?

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2012? 
Comfy dresses, maternity slacks, and yoga capris and tank tops. COMFORT. 

31. What kept you sane?
Andrew (his warmth and good breakfasts), my co-workers who always had my back, and google chatting with my cousin Jan.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
Funding for schools. I got fired last spring (for the third year in the row) and a pay cut. Fortunately the measures for bonds and taxes to fund education passed on our ballot. Fun Fact: I was the poster girl (me with my mouth wide open teaching kinders) on the flier for our district explaining the measures.

33. Who did you miss?
My sisters. I am thankful for technology but I wish we saw each other every day. Also, many (or most?) of our friends in SB have graduated and gone on to post-docs and careers around the country. Gosh, I miss them all.

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
Be open to what life gives you. Also: Babies really are the best gift ever! 

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

As the river flows, gently to the sea
Darling so we go, 
Somethings were meant to be

Take my hand, take my whole life too,
But I can't help falling in love with you.

-UB40 version

36. Bonus Question: What else will always remind you of 2012?
Janna's wedding, my family's excitement over their first grandbaby, and having the sweetest kindergarten class to date.

New Friends

Like many newborns Harvey really does like black and white images. We put up a few sea animal cards next to his changing table and his new friends really distract him. Watching his mesmerized facial expressions makes us happy too.

I recommend! 

Happy 2013!

 Happy Happy New Year!
Yesterday was New Years Eve and Harvey turned 9 days old. It was the first time I felt a little normal. We even made it to the beach to watch the last sunset of the year. Harvey slept in his carseat for the short drive (about 2 miles) and through the whole excursion. We tried out our stroller for the first time. It jostled him on the wooden pier and was doable on the hard sand (but not amazingly smooth or easy--it's not a jogging stroller). He slept through it all and seemed to enjoy the jostling and fresh ocean air. His mom sure did! I look forward to Harvey reaching the 8 pound marks so we can try him in our Moby baby carrier. Has anyone put a smaller newborn in one?

He likes his carseat so far. Phew! 

I've been making an effort to shower daily, change my clothes, and come downstairs to the living room for a few feedings. I did not realize how all-consuming a little baby was. Or maybe I knew but now I KNOW.  The advice to "sleep while he sleeps" was very difficult the first week of his life and seemed a bit impractical. I'd have about an hour to myself and feel restless and pumped with adrenaline or overwhelmed with emotions. Also baby needs burping and a diaper change after nursing, Mom needs to use the bathroom and eat something. Then it would start all over again.


Baby shows us his moves in the middle of the night.

Today is the first day I slept while baby slept. I logged about 7 hours in random 1.5  naps.  It means I missed the beauty of the daylight and fell short on my ambition to take a walk.  But last night the room started shaking around me and scared me into being more disciplined with sleep. Harvey's wide-eyed, curious, and engaging moments take place in the middle of the night and in the early morning hours. I want to be present for them. I felt like maybe I was doing something wrong, with baby up all night and hard to rouse during the day. He will NOT wake up to eat and is now very clear about it when he is ready to eat. Though I record each time he eats or poops, I feel like "keeping a schedule" with my baby is a little silly and I just need to listen to my baby and myself.  Andrew reminded me people say, "Sleep when he sleeps" and not "Make him sleep when you sleep."  For anyone whose done some kind of sleep training--did you start with a newborn? HOW?

Andrew is an amazing father. He makes and brings me three meals a day, has done the majority of the diaper changes, does the laundry daily, and can't wait for his turn to hold/sooth Harvey between feedings. He tells me I am beautiful and and that he looks at me with a new respect after seeing what my body can do.  He's tolerated my bossy and weepy moments with grace and kindness. He tells me I'm a wonderful mom and that he picked me knowing I would be.  I hope Harvey grows up to be a man like his dad!

Dad changes diapers. Not Harvey's favorite activity. 

Our Christmas Baby

40 weeks, plus one day. 

I had been saying for a week: This may be the last maternity picture we take! My last day of pregnancy was a good one. I had a leisurely walk at a organic farm with Andrew. We went to the library, I returned some things to stores, and we filled up our car with gas. We went out to dinner and ate burritos. It was the Eve of Winter Break and there was a holiday buzz around town. I had been having Braxton Hicks (painless) contractions that were abouta 5 minutes apart on and off for days. I had a feeling baby was coming soon.

Fascinated by my huge tummy. How quickly it went away!  I like  the contrast of Andrew's  abs.

Twenty minutes after we took these pictures, using a self-timer, my water broke! It was about 11:30p.m. I felt no urgency to leave, but the doctor's orders were to head straight to the hospital. I packed up some last minute stuff (snacks, computer, phone charger), grabbed some pillows and we checked in.

Definitely the "before" picture. Labor started on it's own (thankfully) around 6am. 

 We tried to sleep but it was hard being so excited and in a strange place. We were ready to meet our baby soon. I am debating about posting a detailed birth story. I loved reading them when I was pregnant. I still haven't had time to process everything that went down. I better write it down before I forget. When I look at pictures from the labor I get very emotional. It was like nothing I've done before! 

Our baby is loved. 

 Turns out, our new roommate is a night owl. He likes to eat every hour of the night, get burped, and then play (which means staring up at us with bright eyes and playing with his hands--we find his antics irresistable). He does not enjoy having his diaper changed. During the day he falls into a deep slumber and doesn't have the same sense of urgency to eat.

My dad got his first grandchild a giant stuffed humuhumunukunukuapua'a pillow, made by one of his friends. 

When we came home from the hospital we had some boxes waiting at the door. We put them under the tree. Andrew had been asking me what I want for Christmas. All I wanted was a baby. And him!  I have everything I need. It turns out, we got our baby! And some things to open. We finally got to opening our presents at 11:30pm on Christmas night. Definitely a different kind of holiday this year.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  

Welcome Baby Harvey!

 I am overjoyed to announce the birth of our son, Harvey Nakoa D____. He was born Saturday, December 22, 2012, at 1:50p.m in Santa Barbara, California.  7lbs 2 oz, 19 inches

 We are awestruck by this little guy. I can't believe he is mine and we made him! I am blown away by the human body, and what it is capable of.  Giving birth was the most intense but rewarding experience of my life. I fell completely in love with my baby the moment I saw him.

Our new family! The nurses gave Harvey a Christmas hat.

 We left the hospital with our baby bundle on Christmas Eve. He didn't love getting put in the carseat but fell asleep as soon as the car started.

Rooftop Courtyard connected to the maternity wing.

 Our hospital is beautiful and we received excellent care. But I have never ever been more grateful to be home.  Andrew and I have been home, cozy-ed up with our little baby. We love getting to know him.

This Mysterious Baby

 My kindergarten students and their parents hosted a class shower for me. It was SO sweet. They ordered a beautiful cake and sang, "Happy Baby to You!" My favorite thing was the individual cards the kids made...with guesses on what the baby looks like, what his name might be, and how much he'll weigh.

 

 

Naked baby alert! This student's mom told me she suggested a diaper and the girl said, "NO mom, babies are not born with diapers on!"

 I got a few suggestions for the names "Rose" and "Lily" from some girls in my class. I reminded them that the baby was a boy.  Kindergartener response: "But we want the baby to be a girl so you should name her Baby Rose."

Happy Birthday baby Rose (!?)

I sure have had some interesting commentary on the topic of having a boy. One person (with two daughters) apologetically, "Ohhh, you are having a boy??? It could turn out OK." Another, "It's so good you are having a boy first so he can protect his younger siblings" said to to the most protective older sister in the world!  Or "What are you having?" " A boy!" "Oh, I'm sorry!" GOOD GRIEF. People are people. After working with children my whole life, I feel like it is more ridiculous than offensive (and kind of hilarious). I always kind of knew I was having a boy and was happy to hear so, but mostly because he is MY baby boy. That's what he's meant to be!

 Being pregnant as a teacher has been hard but rewarding. I suppose being a teacher always is. News of the Connecticut shooting really rocked my world... if i had been busy at school I wouldn't have had time to pay attention. My coworkers were barely aware of it that Friday.  But I was home,  on a rainy day, on leave, and I sobbed my heart out most of the day. I felt such an urgency to see and hug my students.  I stopped in after a doctor's appointment on Tuesday (Andrew drove me). I gave them each a hug. Even though I am HUGE and have only been gone a week they kept asking,  "Where's your baby?" "Why is Ms. J still our teacher?"

I feel like teachers have had a lot of bad press in these last few years and it is a little heartbreaking that it takes something like this for people to realize most teachers love their students and would do anything to protect them.

Other fun news: I found a diaper bag! I really wanted something with a shoulder strap and a decent amount of room. I figured I could just use a regular old beach bag I had until I came across something. I found the same Skip Hop one I had put on my registry for half the price at Ross in the purse section! SCORE. That place is so hit or miss but we have one nearby; it is brand new and somewhat organized and not scary like some I've been to (downtown Portland--yikes!).  I have since seen the same bag at fancy baby stores in town for more than double what I paid. It has a few baby outfits and swaddles in it and is ready to take to the hospital.

 My co-worker's mother-in-law made us this awesome baby quilt!  And I've never even met her! So thoughtful.

Good thing we are dog people! Sweet little pooches. I wonder how old baby will be before he wants a doggy? My parent's wedding gift was a Golden Retriever so I grew up with a beautiful dog named Shiloh as my older sister. But that's another story...