September Song

Happy Fall!

I've stayed so busy this week. I'm really excited as I anticipate this next season.

I was really worried about how the parents might react to my pregnancy. So far everyone has been so supportive and happy and positive and kind. Back-to-School Night is behind me. I'm ready for the year.

Andrew is making me a great breakfast every morning at 6am. Eggs, plus a veggie, plus a veggie sausage. I'm good until morning snack at 10am. I usually have Greek yogurt with walnuts and fruit. Protein!

Beach walks after work, sometimes after dark, really make me feel better. Plus, Andrew and I can catch up with one another. If I can nap in the afternoon when (if) I get home, I'm good for the evening.  I actually brought a pillow to work thinking I could nap at some point when the kids leave, and then be more productive. I haven't tried this yet...I'm usually just so eager to get my work done so I can leave. Have any of you ever napped at work? Is this too weird?

I really want to get some nesting things done before baby arrives. I've come across a few things. I'm not sure where to start and what we'll actually use and love. It seems important symbolically to make some space for him. Andrew painted a wall in our extra (baby/closet) room in August, which made me like it a lot more. 

 Celery sprig green--same color as our living room. Hard to see the color but nice to have a fresh start with this space.

 Sweet letter and package from my sister. So glad my baby will have so many Aunties.

 Getting up early has forced me to become a morning person again. I love watching the sunrise morning sky.

 Sunset walks make me remember why Santa Barbara is an awesome place to live. My baby is already a beach babe!

And finally...I'm getting excited about the election!

The End of Summer

I've been working casually the last two weeks. Popping into my classroom to move some furniture... The last two days have been a fervent effort to have the room ready for introductions to my new children and parents. I look forward to falling in love with a new set. 


I met them and they were all so cute my eyes watered. I've had some great kids but this set may be my cutest yet.

Now is Day 3. It is so weird to have to re-earn the trust and support of a group of parents. My Ks who are now first graders seem so seasoned and the parents who come back and visit are so relaxed, positive, and comfortable around me. Day 1 is always about the hardest day of the year. It's surely getting better.

Physically, I don't know if I can be the work-a-holic or perfectionist version of myself. I collapse when I come home. I just don't know how to do my job with grace or style without putting in tons of time. WHAT DO I DO???


I have 28 kids! I hear of schools with 18 per class. That is like a third less...shouldn't we get paid per kid or something?


Okay, other things:

*I bought some beautiful bushy white hydrangeas that are making me happy this minute.

*I peeled myself out of bed at 7pm for a sunset walk with Andrew. My walking is less stride-y and purposeful and becoming more waddle-y waggle-y.  Breathing in the ocean and watching the purple gold lighting on the ocean made me happier than I've been in awhile

*I feel guilty that I pretty much forget I'm pregnant while at work. I am SO busy I can't even read a text message. Funny and kind texts roll in from friends and sisters and I don't even look. It makes me feel guilty again. I should have energy to remember my friends and my baby!


*A dear little student, gently put her hand on my tummy and asked, "Is there a baby in there?" I replied, "Yes there is." Another student overheard, "WHAAAAAT? YOU'RE HAVING A BABY???" These kiddos haven't seen me  before this, and being 5 are very accepting..I think they mostly took my rounded physique as just me. I told them the baby might not come until around Christmas...the conversation quickly turned into what they want for Christmas and how much they love Santa Claus. It takes time to develop a community of children that are actually interested in one another and other people.

*My new school clothes are all from OLD NAVY maternity (online). They are pretty cute and make me feel a bit perkier. And talk about affordable compared to Motherhood Maternity, our ONLY maternity options in town. 

 Happy End of Summer! 

What is a Baby?

The best lullaby from my favorite movie from childhood. I look forward to those sweet moments of parenthood. I know I'll be singing a lot (I've sang this to babies I nannied for).

It makes me a little sad I don't have a dog yet. I was born to a household with a motherly Golden Retriever who looked after me until I was 10.

And in case you are curious....we found out the baby's gender today! This ran through my head...

Warm Summer Memories at 20 weeks (Half Way!)

Now, I know I sound a little indulgent (to say, the staff at my school) when it I'm off to Hawaii all the time. But I'm not staying at the Four Seasons or going out for Mai Tais every evening. It's not THAT kind of vacation. I'm visiting my family, who happens to live at the edge of a jungle.  And I didn't go home last summer. I took classes the rest of summer; rewarding, but not the restful escape I hope Summer brings.I spent my few weeks off visiting my very ill Grandpa and a very concerned dear Grandma in Washington DC. I'm glad I did, it was my last visit with Gpa before he passed away.

Once I realized my baby's due date is Dec. 20, I realized my annual Christmas trip home is out of the question. I kept my calendar free and was sure to make a summer trip happen.

I visited three islands. My family on Maui, my Aunt and Uncle's new place on the Big Island, and then a vacation-y four night getaway to a condo on Molokai (where I saw my Oahu cousins).

I also started to enjoy my pregnancy. Happy, sweet Summer Memories:

My sister didn't have to be to work until 11am so we made the most of our mornings. We walked at the beach or the park. Sometimes we'd swim laps at the public pool. When I was swimming and chatting in the same lane with her I could feel the baby moving so much. It felt like we were all three swimming together. I felt the baby really early, but it became super active while I was home, which was between 15 and 19 weeks of development.

I ate extremely well, which is easy on an island full of fruit trees, gardens, and health conscious types. I started this pregnancy at the highest weight I've ever been at and I gained a lot my first trimester. I didn't have the energy for exercise or even cooking and careful eating. This scared me, so I cut out sugar/white flour and reduced all grains in effort to control my weight. I've maintained my weight since. Another favorite is fresh coconuts, my dad taught Andrew how to open them with a machete--it's the best liquid energy! My other favorite beverage was water with squeezed limes from my Auntie's tree. YUM.

I stocked up on maternity clothes for the fall. I usually buy some new clothes for work around this time of year. I realize Santa Barbara is really limited in shopping options and I'm just not brave enough to take on LA. There was a maternity section at Old Navy on Maui. I also bought up the rack at second-hand clothing store. I got cute and comfy Motherhood Maternity dresses and professional-ish work clothes all for $5.99 each. I was shocked at how pricey everything is in maternity stores. It will be nice to have options without investing a lot in temporary clothing.

I can't wait to let my baby play in the warm tide pools I grew up splashing in. I had a whole new eye for beaches--suddenly placid water looks more appealing to me than bouncy waves.

I feel more in love with my husband. Floating in crystal clear ocean water together and seeing how kind and patient he is to my family often does it for me. He is very happy about becoming a dad and loves babies maybe even more than I do. Andrew is a natural teacher and has a very calm personality. I am really excited for him to meet this baby.

My parents happened upon one another at the beach. Their dogs get along--another good sign for future grandchild sharing.

My mom's jungle yard.

Maybe my favorite memory was spending time with my parents. I think they both wanted to leave me with the impression that they'll be good grandparents. Andrew noted they were extra nice to me. Ever since my wedding my divorced folks have managed to be polite and civil. My dad even helped my mom cut down coconuts and palm frons when she was out doing yard work. Seeing teamwork and cooperation made me feel like they can be great co-grandparents.

Love my mama! And her foxes.

Pregnancy Details... From the Top.

Upon hearing the news..

How it happened.

Well, the old fashioned way. I had been racking my brain about Spring Break plans but Andrew and I ended up staying home and enjoying our town and exercising and having lots of...fun.  It was a relaxed, sleep in, decide-what-to-do-that-day kind of vacation. Though I love getting out of town, I think now that I wouldn't be pregnant now if we had. Also, it was ONE time of not being cautious and saying, Whatever, why bother?  

How I figured it out.
Andrew claims he could tell....but we didn't figure it out until about 4 weeks later (which is weirdly, 6 week pregnant). I thought I had had my period (which is usually very light). Apparently that day was just implantation. I was waiting for the real one to come. I mean, I had PMS, so I thought.. severe exhaustion, moody, not feeling right. I even left work early on Friday, after a long week. I had been pounding 4 cups of coffee and it wasn't helping. (Sidenote: coffee is a no-no the first trimester--it doubles the rate of miscarriage.) I was moaning and groaning to Andrew that evening when he suggested I might be pregnant. I was defensive or in denial...NO WAY. Then, "Okay, well, I'll only take the test if you buy it. I'm doing this only so I can drink at my cousin's wedding without concern (a week away)."  He got the test. It said wait 3 minutes and within 10 seconds there was a line. We were both in shock.

A week later.. family reunion at my cousin's wedding.
I had to hide it. My whole family was coming to town for my best friend/dear cousin's wedding in Yosemite. I was kind of in a daze and wanted to wait until the news set in before revealing it. Also, my cousin told me (jokingly, she tells me now) not to get pregnant before her, and look what I'd gone and done right before her big day. I usually tell her everything, so I felt like a big liar keeping it to myself...but she had enough on her mind for the week. My immediate family was kind of sick during the wedding so they didn't notice that I was just as happy as them to go to bed early and lay around. Another cousin who is VERY pro-baby, kept giving me advice about having babies. I was more receptive to her input than usual. At the wedding reception, where I toasted with champagne but did not sip, the bride marches over and says, "Are you PREGNANT?" And I was like, "WHAT, why would you ask me that?" And she said, "(The pro-baby-older-cousin) says you are, and that's why you're not drinking." I kind of dismissed it with, "I don't feel like drinking but maybe I am so let's talk later." I honestly had a hard time keeping up with the partying people, but I was in the bridal party so felt I needed to play the part. All I wanted to do was be asleep by 11pm (normally I'm a night owl).

I ended up calling my cousin at a beach stop, on the drive back from the wedding, and confessing all.

I told my family when we got back to my house in Santa Barbara. I swore them to secrecy, telling them it's not really "real" yet. They were also shocked, but really happy and excited. Then after I told them I cried and said I wish I hadn't told them so I had more time to think about it without their influence.

I hope I don't sound heartless or ungrateful. I started this as "pregnancy memories" but I thought I'd start with an honest account from the beginning. I'm normally an emotional person, so I have to feel through everything. I am currently very very happy and honored to be having a baby now.

     Happy my baby will have Aunties! Lany can teach the babe to surf and take risks.                                                  
Holly will be the sympathetic aunt who will always listen.

The first trimester was rough physically and emotionally. I'm learning a lot. I didn't know that the first part of pregnancy, before people can tell or are told, is often the toughest. I promise, the next post will be full of fun, happy second-trimester, memories. It really is the honeymoon stage!

19 weeks

And some.

 I consider myself a private person, which I know, goes against having a blog or facebook account. But I admire people who share so much. I love learning from other peoples' stories and experiences. There is a lot of inspiration (and heartbreak) on the web and in the world.  I want to be someone who shares openly.

I am happy to blog announce that we're having a baby!  I am 19 weeks and a few days. This is a big deal and it took me by surprise at first. I needed a lot of time to wrap my head around it and adjust  to the idea, and think about how it will change my life. And make sure it was really real.  I feel ready though. I love Andrew more than ever and know he'll be a devoted Dad. I've mothered my whole life as a big sister, babysitter, nanny, and teacher. And, I really love babies. I like to joke that they are my favorite animal. And I already especially love this little baby, and telling it about the life we can have together.

I just got home from 4 weeks with my family on Maui. This baby will make my youngish, hip parents grandparents, and make my fun-loving siblings aunts and uncles. It was very comforting to be around my people and know that this little baby will have great people to love it and guide it. Is it wrong to say 'it'? I mean it with affection and endearment. I also know that I'm not having a baby but also a toddler, kid, and teenager. I am adding another person to my family circle. It's exciting. 

I also feel like I'm showing a lot, which also makes it less private. My mom's reaction when she first saw me: Whoa, are they sure they got your due date right?  I think the changes to my body are fascinating and ultra feminine. I feel powerful, knowing I can make life.

I was debating whether to blog abut baby stuff on here or start a new one. I think I'll go with my much-neglected blog. So, get ready...

We find out the gender next week. Any guesses???

Summer Fun

 I've been home on Maui for while now. I am happy to say I brought Andrew along. It is hard to drag this committed scientist away from his studies. He still worked on data analysis a few hours a day. He is now back on the mainland, plugging away in the lab, but it was fun to be free with him out here.

 I walk most mornings with my mom or sister (who actually runs). This is a view of my old Middle School. It sure looks prettier now than I remember it from that dark time period.

 Or we walk along the beach. The sun is so intense here. You've got to hide out during the midday hours. But that ocean is so warm, bouncy and soothing.

 FRUIT! Yum. It's one of my very favorite things.

 Playing on the trampoline in mom's yard... we become kids again.

We spent July 4th at my Aunt's glorious condo on the other side of the island. It's fun to play tourist. 

I can't believe it has been almost a month since I blogged. The internet is very spotty here (again, reminds me of being a kid).  It's kind of nice having a break from technology but I do miss writing and connecting.  Aloha!